Hope you funny little thing you

I have been sick, which is pretty normal for me in October, but this time I found it worse. I don't think you realize how much your friends and family help and comfort when you have a cold. Not to say that you don't notice and appreciate their help, but you never notice how much it truly helps you get better. Just having someone there to rub your back, someone to check on you in the middle of the work day to see if you are surviving, someone to just sit with you and not worry if they are going to get sick too. Not that I have not met people here who care, but its hard to depend and lean on people you are just meeting. It's hard to know you have what you are searching for somewhere else. And I get it that all of this is making me independent and everything, but sometimes all you need is for that person to be there next to you just for the comfort. That is all anyone needs, even if we pretend to be strong and say we are fine on our own. Everybody wants their person next to them. 

School is really getting busy now, which adds to the stress of the cold, but I am working on it. I have my three classes, work which I just started,  rehearsals for two shows (one I am directing and one I am performing in) we are finally in the classrooms for my playwriting class,( which I love working with kids again) and observations are starting in my Drama as Ed class and I am starting to stress just a little bit. I keep hoping for the fast forward button to get through the craziness I feel I am about to start.

Hope is a funny thing. I try to keep hope in my life. I hope for many things, but some of these things are more challenging to keep hoping for than others. Which makes me wonder, is hope always hard to hold onto or are you hoping for the wrong things? 

 

I asked a couple my friends here and they didn't have answers, but one of them did mention that she had hope for her sister to get better and that it was hard to have hope that she would, but it wasn't the wrong thing to be hoping for. I agree with that 100%, but what if you are hoping for something selfish? What if you are hoping the next 9 weeks go by fast? What if you are hoping to get good grades? What if you are hoping for things to turn out the way you want? Maybe you want things to change or things to stay the same. Maybe I am hoping for certain people to read this blog or maybe I am hoping certain people don't read this blog. As you can probably figure out I have a certain hope in mind. I am hoping for something, but its selfish. And slightly embarrassing so I wont mention exactly what it is. It's for me. But it is hard to keep hoping for this sometimes. That makes me wonder if I am hoping for the wrong thing. It makes me wonder if what I am hoping for is hopeless. 

I don't know if what I am hoping for is hopeless or not, but for now I still have hope even if it is hard and I guess that is all I can do. It is not something I can let go of yet, so instead of letting it pull me down I have hope. For now. 

9 weeks and I am home. I can't wait. I can tell you that one of my hopes. I hope that the next 9 weeks go by fast, I miss my home.