So I need to start this off today by sharing some amazing news with all of you. I will officially be done living in Boston on July 16th, 2012! I am so excited I can't even begin to explain it. I originally had planned on needing to spend two years here then heading home. I have just learned this week that I am now going to be done with my course work by July and I get to do my student teaching back home in the fall! So I will be finished with my Masters in year and a half.
Not only is this great because I get to be home, but I will be saving a ton of money. Only paying rent and such things for a year here. Cutting off a semester of tuition bills. I am totally excited about saving money and not feeling so stressed to find a job while I student teach. If I am being honest with myself which I am trying to be, I would have to say I am more grateful that I will be home. I will get a head start on the program I want to create while I am home too. I get to be close to my family and not feel like I am missing out. Even though I will still be busy with student teaching and my extra course I will be a part of everything again instead just looking at the pictures.(which I appreciate!) Its funny too because I will only actually have lived in Boston for 9 months. I have been here for three already and I have two trips(one long one short) home planned which means I only have 6 months left here in Boston. YAY!
So for those of you in Colorado that I am missing so much I will see you sooner than I thought! I am truly happy to know where my path is heading. But there are some very scary things surrounding all of my happiness. This will change a lot of my plans that I had for the next two years. Which makes me think about a lot in my professional and personal life. Challenges for the next 6 months: I have to start working on my program now, I have to start studying for the MTELs, I have to write a letter to teachers back home asking them to let me student teach. Positives: money savings, family, friends, home.
There are a lot of things in our lives we can't predict, understand, or even know(especially when it deals with others and their feelings about the situation.) Some say, "what you don't know can't hurt you" or "ignorance is bliss." I disagree! There are a lot of things I don't know and the not knowing sometimes feels worse than knowing. Not knowing has the power to hurt.
People say that I am brave for moving out here and following one of my dreams. That seems so silly to me. I have never really looked at myself as a brave person. I think my brother is brave for raising his beautiful kids, my best friend is brave for taking control of her life and getting healthy inside and out, my other best friend is brave for raising her family, my parents are brave for pursuing the careers they have, but me brave? I don't feel brave for being here(partly because I keep waiting for my time here to end.) I don't feel brave, because I am too scared to find out the answers to the things I want to know. I can't even ask simple questions to people who are closest to me. I am too scared to hear the answers. What if I am not ready for the answers? What if the answers hurt worse than the not knowing? What if I get the answers I want, am I ready for that? And now I have stuck myself with two deadly words,"what" and "if."
I need to decide now if I can stand the hurt there is in the "not knowing" or if I will hurt more in the "knowing."
i submit that you are one of the bravest people i know. it takes a brave person to have a dream in the first place. it takes an even braver person to decide it's worth pursuing. above all, it's the bravest person who can admit that they don't know, don't understand, or that they are scared.
ReplyDeleteyou are brave, liss. very, very brave.
Wahoo for you coming home soon:) Another little babe will be waiting to meet you in December, and then you will be here for good in July. It will be great!
ReplyDeleteYou think I'm brave?? Thanks, friend :)